I’ve been lost, falling away from the World. Loosing myself to the sound of a voice. Everything within me, seeking, searching to find, meaning in all that’s surrounding me. There is this yearning that I can’t compromise, this need to give some part of me to someone. To share with someone a piece of my soul. To give someone the love that has been given to me all my life. Love is the answer to everything. Love comes with no excess baggage; no hate, no jealousy, no excuses and no tears.. That is fear. Fear which tries to destroy you. Fear which tries to tell you that you aren’t good enough, that you are going to lose something. There’s nothing to lose but yourself. Fear destroys you. But love is something you give and you feel the happiness knowing that you have given it. In essence, shared life with one another. Tears are cried in mourning. Fear that you’ll have no one to share it with. That, you have no need to worry about. Love will find you when void of the presence of fear. I’m finding myself and I’m realizing who I am and that there is nothing to fear. One day, I will find someone and I can trust and I have faith in that I will love her with my life and essence.
“A drop of acid leaves your eye….it falls into your soul and makes a small burn… each tear you create slowly destroys you.”
I don’t want to go… I never wanted what happened to happen… I miss you…
I don’t want to realize all that I’ve gone through to reach this moment that she says she has always known, but I don’t know if I can believe her.. I don’t want to realize how you left me here long ago, so blind that neither of us had known that some things we never can outgrow. I don’t want to realize all the pain I’ve gone through to meet you here. She said that she would always be near and that there was nothing to fear. I just want to close my eyes and dream of you and I together, just this moment lasting forever… She said that it could never be…
Magnified from a thousand miles away, missing you more than a thousand words can say, I can’t forget the past, not so fast. My heart feels as if it has been taken. I stare into absent space and begin to realize, I can’t get this gloom shaken.
Shouldn’t I be glad? Aren’t we glad? We’ve all become just another person to be scratched off; to be written off. Go onto the next one and on and on again. Take your turn in line! Say it will last forever! Say you’ll be there always! Then fucking leave! Take your turn in line. This is the way it is. I was there as long as you wanted me to, until you found something you thought was better. Just a temporary filling of the void inside your heart. I hope you one day understand!! It haunts my dreams. I kept my promise and I’m still having trouble accepting it. What damn heart, you don’t believe in love? Love isn’t for you… You tell me, I don’t know which things are lies, something doesn’t add up. What use are words when their content is meaningless and full of lies?? The hope of my World, my Life, stood on this. Don’t you see? I cry tears in my bed, but I don’t love you anymore. The only thing I know is the fact that I did and would have done anything. But to you it was all a big secret. I had thought you had felt the same way as I did. Yet, you can entice pretty much anything. Maybe that’s something you’ve learned. But I’ll tell you, this whole World and their bases of love is pretty much full of fucking shit. I just live too far away.. Distance was only temporary, but what does anything matter. It’s not right. It doesn’t make sense. This is the end. Fuck it.
All that remains are the memories and the ghost in the melodies, but I will hold on forever, past the day existence is severed. In the end, everything will fade away and our yearning will turn to dust, but my soul will forever lust. As I slip away, drifting further everyday, these dreams will test my soul, and I, I will lose control!!! When I step away from every single day and try to figure how it could be this way? I saw right from the start, this image that I held in my heart. I’ve seen the bliss of this condition reenacted in a foreign rendition.
The sun shines differently, the air smells different, the feelings inside of me are different, my heart beats differently. The thoughts that run through my head. Different. Even you. Even me. Something’s unclear. Something’s dieing. Something’s no longer real. Something’s certain. I might as well be dead to you. Your heart broken by others, your mind wants me to go away. Will never give me a chance. Another tear is shed as I feel the disconnection. Another pain as I break my promise. Another pain knowing you still mean something to me. Another pain knowing that you lied to me, either then or now, in any case. Another pain knowing that you never felt the same as I did. I felt one day you’d run back to me. That maybe you could see. I believed. I thought… <3 truth/perfection/destiny. I really believed it was meant to be.