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June 3rd, 2003

Shouldn’t I be glad? Aren’t we glad? We’ve all become just another person to be scratched off; to be written off. Go onto the next one and on and on again. Take your turn in line! Say it will last forever! Say you’ll be there always! Then fucking leave! Take your turn in line. This is the way it is. I was there as long as you wanted me to, until you found something you thought was better. Just a temporary filling of the void inside your heart. I hope you one day understand!! It haunts my dreams. I kept my promise and I’m still having trouble accepting it. What damn heart, you don’t believe in love? Love isn’t for you… You tell me, I don’t know which things are lies, something doesn’t add up. What use are words when their content is meaningless and full of lies?? The hope of my World, my Life, stood on this. Don’t you see? I cry tears in my bed, but I don’t love you anymore. The only thing I know is the fact that I did and would have done anything. But to you it was all a big secret. I had thought you had felt the same way as I did. Yet, you can entice pretty much anything. Maybe that’s something you’ve learned. But I’ll tell you, this whole World and their bases of love is pretty much full of fucking shit. I just live too far away.. Distance was only temporary, but what does anything matter. It’s not right. It doesn’t make sense. This is the end. Fuck it.

About the author

Earl Dixon - Audesi is the musical moniker of multi-instrumentalist/producer Earl Dixon who began recording in his small bedroom studio at the age of 11. Through the years he has undertaken a wide array of electronic styles, from techno-bass, trip-hop, ambient, breakbeat to electro clash. Throughout the 1990s, he was the founding member of the techno-bass, later acid-breakbeat group the Underground Bass Masters who went on to release three commercial records. He has done remixes for artists such as Celldweller & lvl. Currently he is recording a full length album.

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